people who think they are going crazy are not going crazy.

So i know I am not crazy when I wake up at 2am and go eat toast. with jam. eat something, like a handful of cereal. why??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I do not want the food, i definitely do not NEED the calories, and I feel orrible in the morning with guilt and shame and it's totally sabotaging all the work I do in the gym and during the day. I say no no no to carbs after 4, feel guilty for eating fruit after 4. Haven't had carrots in ages, seem to swing from super healthy to binging on fucking prunes. I am losing the plot. and i don't like how i look, i have put on 2 INCHES around my waist WTF??????

I'm struggling for the positives here. help.

I hate being pressured into doing something. HATE it.

I don't like dinners out at places I have no control over. I have issues, I have food control issues and dinners out are always a... threat.

So yes, I might go but I will hate you for it. You. The pusher.

Over a month, man I need to get better at this.

http://the8colorsoffitness.com/book/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=48&Itemid=51

Awesome quiz! I am a blue workout, especially the singing to myself. And I love my routines at the gym. if it worked before then it will work again.

Sorry for the lack of posting, have I written that I am going through this counselling thing? Well I am and sometimes I can feel really happy then I will feel totally down and low and have a lack of will to live.

Oh, I'm going to update the tab things on blogs I like, I have discovered how to do this.


Also started a blog for the caledonian challenge team through work... it's my other blog i manage on here, i will put up the link and the link to donate to us, we need to raise £3000 in 8 weeks!

Yikes! Okay, going to go and update so that if you visit my blog you can at least see that I am reading lots, and i am trying to write down what is bothering me. The Internet will be my therapist until I get my own.