there is no after

That is what I have learned since this summer. I worked and worked and worked to get to my goal by the wedding of my cousin last summer and felt amazing the 2 weeks. Came back to Scotland and seemed to fall apart, ran a half marathon, got injured, lost the weight i put on, then went nutso. again. Now I'm battling back down but that drive I used to assume would always be there is gone.

I think the drive was never there, i just did it, and somehow have fallen out of the habit. It was what I did, 30 minutes at the gym 5 nights a week. Now I get there and nothing interests me. I wander from machine to machine with no purpose.

This week I plan to go to the gym 3 times for cardio. Tonight, Thursday, Friday. Monday and Wednesday are runs at lunch with class in the evening. I hope by writing this goal down I will followthrough......

At some point I will make peace with the fat girl inside, but right now we are at loggerheads. She wants to sit and mooch in front of the tv, and fitme wants to get back into the jeans I bought last summer. With no muffin top.

I'll go into the downward spiral of November-February later.